A Struggle with Negativity Bias

Throughout my life, I've experienced numerous negative events—who hasn't? Yet, I find myself particularly susceptible to what experts term "negativity bias." This concept refers to our brain's propensity to focus more on negative experiences than positive ones.

Researchers believe this tendency is rooted in the survival instincts of our ancestors, who lived in perilous environments. The ability to remember negative stimuli was crucial for survival, leading to a natural inclination to dwell on such experiences.

This bias is also evident in children, who learn quickly to steer clear of potential dangers. As adults, many of us remain wired to prioritize negative memories, often overlooking the positives. This can explain why we dwell on being cut off in traffic, fixate on a critical remark about our appearance, or replay our mistakes at work in our minds.

Strategies to Overcome Negativity Bias

To combat my own negativity bias, I decided to reframe my past by examining each decade and journaling about the positive aspects.

For instance, reflecting on my childhood wasn't entirely negative. Yes, there were frightening moments, like a man who stalked my neighborhood, and a troubling encounter with a landlord that left me feeling unloved. But there were also joyful memories:

• My working-class parents, despite their struggles, delighted in gifting me toys, like the Cathy Chatty doll that spoke when you pulled its string.
• Our family enjoyed treats from the ice cream truck, pizza nights, and summer watermelons.
• Our Christmas tree was always the tallest, adorned with unique ornaments and a miniature village beneath its branches.

It’s important to recognize that my parents’ difficult pasts may have influenced how they expressed love, which often didn't align with my expectations. Dr. Gary Chapman identifies five love languages:

• Acts of service
• Receiving gifts
• Quality time
• Words of affirmation
• Physical touch

I suspect my parents communicated their love primarily through gift-giving, while I longed for affirmation. However, I realized I didn’t have to dwell on what I lacked; instead, I could appreciate the love they offered in their own way.

Embracing Positive Experiences

I must admit that I may have a stronger inclination toward negativity than most. Whether due to my Virgo nature or my Enneagram type, I often perceive what’s missing rather than what’s present. However, I’ve learned that these tendencies can be managed.

After my reframing exercise, I am determined not to solely focus on the negative. Moving forward, I aim to create and cherish positive experiences, which will strengthen my positive memories and offer competition to the negative ones.

For example, I find joy in small pleasures: savoring my morning green tea, enjoying the warmth of a shower, and relishing the comfort of freshly laundered sheets. When visiting friends, I take note of the laughter and joy we share, writing about these moments in my journal.

Brené Brown wisely notes, "I don’t have to chase extraordinary moments to find happiness—it’s right in front of me if I’m paying attention and practicing gratitude."

Concluding Reflections

When I previously surveyed my life, I primarily saw challenges and struggles. Our inherent negativity bias makes it all too easy to remember the tough times over the good ones.

To counteract this, I undertook a life review to recall the positive moments, reinforcing these good memories. This process brought forth smiles and a sense of pride, helping me to focus on the present and savor joyful experiences.

It’s a two-pronged approach:

1. Recall the positives from the past.
2. Savor the positives in the present and future.

If you find yourself mired in negativity, consider giving this a try!

For further inspiration, consider subscribing to my bi-monthly Wild Arisings newsletter for access to free self-discovery resources.

The first video, "Dean Lewis - How Do I Say Goodbye," explores themes of loss and acceptance, resonating deeply with the journey of finding peace amid life’s challenges.

The second video, "Andy Grammer - Joy," captures the essence of seeking happiness in everyday moments, perfectly aligning with the message of embracing positivity.