Chapter 1: Understanding Self-Love

Your mind is your first companion, so draw inspiration from the type of relationships you seek.

The journey to knowing what you desire is both beautiful and challenging. I find myself drawn to quotes that encapsulate what healthy love embodies, how it transforms individuals, and what it symbolizes. Each line ignites a spark within me, despite my attempts to downplay its significance. These words elevate my standards for "the love I deserve."

The crux of the matter lies in our expectations. We often hope for more from others than we do for ourselves. Our parents serve as our first loves, but once we leave home, we must ask: who is our next love? It’s perfectly valid to say, “I will pause here and embrace self-love.”

You are your own first love. "I want a partner who respects and cherishes me."

Articulating affirmations can feel daunting. Many attribute this discomfort to feelings of unworthiness, but it often stems from a sense of unnaturalness. When you lack self-love, expressing desires becomes a struggle. For instance, if your parent never says, "I love you," hearing it from your partner's family can feel alien.

Dismissing affirmations indicates a disconnect; your mind recognizes that your habits don't align. You shouldn't feel uneasy or contrived saying, "I desire a partner who adores me." This should resonate as a natural extension of the love you already cultivate within yourself.

There’s no need for another self-care checklist. To determine what you need to give yourself, reflect on your expectations of a partner. "I want to hear someone say..."

The phrase "I felt cute, might delete later" has become clichéd and subject to scrutiny. People are right to point out that our attire shapes first impressions, but have you considered your initial thoughts about yourself in the mirror? Individuals often swing between extremes: “I don’t care how others see me” to “I’ll get compliments if I wear this.”

In both cases, control over your self-esteem is relinquished as you anxiously await external validation.

Your looks aren’t the primary concern; it’s about how you respond to others’ perceptions. Cultivating self-esteem independently is crucial. While others can wield their comments against you, self-love yields a singular outcome: you feel cherished.

“Tell me it’s going to be okay.”

While it's a comforting phrase, it often falls flat during tough times and can even seem patronizing. That’s why wise individuals advise against heeding advice from those whose lives you wouldn’t want to swap.

Those who truly understand provide context rather than empty reassurances. Today’s fictional heroines like Cinderella and Rapunzel advocate for themselves. They know their goals and pursue success before seeking romantic commitments. Cinderella aims for personal achievement; Rapunzel strives to reunite her family.

What truly facilitates growth? Imagine yourself in the position of the person you aspire to be. This reverse engineering allows you to feel less sorrow for your current situation and more love for the individual you are becoming. "I appreciate myself when I accomplish this."

What goes through your mind when you reward yourself for reaching a goal? Self-love can sometimes seem like it must be deferred.

You don’t exercise simply because you can; you don’t build a business just because you have the time. Self-development requires the will to embrace challenges.

Have you noticed that people spring into action once they accept themselves? It may appear hypocritical, but self-love and self-improvement are intertwined. Engaging in self-development releases different levels of self-love. You might find yourself thinking, "Look at me enjoying something I never believed I could do."

Self-love isn’t merely about setting expectations; it’s about the joy of witnessing your own growth. Taking active steps to change your life fosters admiration for the person you’re becoming, leading to a sense of pride.

Thank you for taking the time to read this post.

© Annie Wegner 2022-Present.

Hello, I’m Annie, a writer focusing on relationships and side hustles. For just $5/month or $50/year, you can access articles designed to help you achieve your financial and romantic aspirations. Your membership supports your dreams. Unlock content through this link.

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