Chapter 1: Arrival at the Hospital

It’s been quite the challenging week—more difficult than I had anticipated. I knew it would be tough, but this turned out to be one of the hardest weeks of my life.

Eight days ago, I arrived at the hospital fully prepared. I'd consumed all my nutrient-rich drinks, injected blood thinners into my abdomen, and even performed an enema while balancing on the toilet (twice!). No one could claim to be more ready than I was, with a pristine behind to boot.

However, I wish I had taken the doctors' advice to shed those fifteen or twenty extra pounds before the surgery more seriously.

My partner had only a brief twenty minutes with me before I was whisked away for the procedure. The quick pace caught us both off guard. I kissed her goodbye, told her I loved her, and was escorted to change into a fashionable hospital gown—actually, two gowns; they kindly provided me with a second one to wear backward to shield everyone from the sight of my hairy backside.

I was then transferred to a trolley bed and wheeled into the next room, where I moved onto another bed for the epidural. A needle was inserted into my back, a mask placed over my face, and some soothing words were spoken as I took deep breaths—and then I was out.

I don’t clearly recall waking up; it was more of a gradual process over about twelve hours. I vaguely remember a wordless face explaining my ordeal, followed by a series of faceless voices. Over the next few days, numerous doctors and nurses recounted the situation to me until I was fully awake and could piece everything together.

Looking back, I truly should have lost that weight. What could have been a simple keyhole surgery, at least for the front part, ended up requiring an incision through my abdominal muscles and a rather unfortunate spreading of my excess skin. So, the next time a physician advises you to slim down, take heed!

Additionally, it turned out that "Timmy the tumor" had wrapped itself around my bladder without any of us being aware. The medical team had to call in a second specialist group from Nottingham to help untangle the