Setting Realistic Goals: Stop the Cycle of False Aspirations
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Chapter 1: The Danger of Unrealistic Aspirations
In my journey over the past decade, I developed a keen interest in ultra marathons. I would often browse races on ultrasignup.com, finding events I wanted to enter but never actually signing up. I established a habit of tracking price increase dates, marking them on my calendar, and promising myself that I would register then. Yet, as those dates arrived, I found myself in the same indecisive position as before. This cycle of procrastination persisted for years.
Embracing the Truth
“Toughness lies in acknowledging our current circumstances and the necessary actions to improve them. Avoiding reality or feeding ourselves false confidence only leads to a harsh wake-up call.” — Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness
I was not facing the truth about my situation. The reality was that I cherished the idea of running an ultra marathon just as much as the actual experience of doing it. This mindset can lead to setting a precarious standard for oneself.
When the allure of a dream overshadows the effort required to pursue it, one risks living a disingenuous life. We often catch ourselves saying, “If only I had more hours in the day, I could achieve this,” or, “If I weren’t working full-time, I’d train for hours daily.” Such excuses are merely a form of false confidence, allowing us to dodge confronting our reality.
It's perfectly normal to feel apprehensive about pursuing your goals and to admit that you may not be fully prepared at this moment. However, what’s crucial is to recognize the reality of the effort required to reach those goals, as the journey is rarely straightforward.
Chapter 2: The Cost of Broken Promises
After repeatedly breaking commitments to myself, I began to notice a troubling pattern: other promises also fell by the wayside. For instance, I would declare, “I’ll wake up at 5:00 AM to work out,” only to hit the snooze button for an entire week. This behavior only served to diminish my self-worth, leaving me feeling like a failure.
When you devalue your own commitments, you risk losing sight of your capabilities, leading to a cycle of avoidance and apathy. Perhaps the goal doesn’t resonate with you deeply, or maybe you’re clinging to it too tightly. I’ve found that when I truly care about something, I often try to do too much and end up burning out. The real-world consequences of personal goals tend to be minimal day-to-day, unlike the repercussions of missing a bill or being late for work. However, the small setbacks can slowly erode your spirit.
How I Conquered My Old Habits
In 2018, I gathered my resolve and registered for an ultra marathon—the McNaughton 50 miler near Peoria, Illinois. Having completed marathons before, I knew that attempting to run 50 miles on trails would be an entirely different challenge. I promised myself that regardless of my level of preparation, I would show up and give it my best shot.
As the race approached, I realized I hadn’t trained adequately—I hadn’t even run more than 10 miles at a time that year. A wave of excuses flooded my mind, but I pushed them aside. I went to REI, equipped myself with a race vest, energy bars, meal replacement powder, and homemade electrolyte drinks.
The initial lap of the 10-mile course was grueling. The previous night's rain turned the terrain into a slippery mess, and I regretted wearing my road shoes. Fortunately, I had some shoes from past Spartan races and switched them out for the second lap, which felt significantly better.
Around mile 30, I encountered a mental wall. “How can I possibly run another 20 miles?” I pondered. I decided that if I was going to quit, I should at least reach the next aid station first. Upon arrival at the station, I felt renewed and set my sights on the next one instead.
This simple shift in focus was crucial. I couldn’t afford to dwell on the remaining miles or how far I’d already come; my only aim was to reach the next checkpoint. Many life goals operate in a similar way—breaking them down into achievable steps makes them more manageable and less overwhelming.
Crossing that finish line was one of the proudest moments of my life; I could hardly believe I had accomplished it. There’s no straightforward route to regaining self-respect. It begins with setting realistic, attainable goals for your current situation. It’s challenging to envision where we will be in a year; instead of attempting to tackle the entire goal at once, focus on small, incremental steps. Aim for the next aid station.
The first video, Don't Set The Precedent - #153 - YouTube, discusses the importance of not establishing detrimental habits and emphasizes the need for realistic goal setting.
The second video, T.D. Jakes - Defying the Urge to Quit Part 1 - YouTube, offers motivational insights on overcoming the desire to give up and staying committed to your aspirations.